I used to be a jolly person. Someone who is the source of laughter in conversations. I thought I was fine; until my past caught up with me.
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder used to be just a complicated term I used to see in magazines. I usually read it within the context of other psychological conditions such as depression, anxiety, panic attack and others. I thought it was as simple as the other cases- just a more complicated form of sadness. Well, I was just about 11 or 12 years old then.
I even remember talking to someone in the senior year telling me about how she tried to take her life the past night. I never asked, but it seemed as if she needed someone to pour out her heart to so I listened. She mentioned how she felt as if a dark past caught up with her and that she cannot break free from it.
Little did I know that I was already looking at PTSD in its actual image.
It was devastating. Nevertheless, I admit, I never knew what it really felt like to have PTSD until I caught myself in the same situation. Dark pasts often occur to 1 in every 3 persons. In fact, it is one of the most prevalent reasons for suicide among people between the ages 13 to 45. It is during this age-range of existence that people would love to live their lives to its fullest and when history catches up with them, everything gets messed up. Confused and in denial of being under a very uncomfortable and disturbing situation, some simply choose to end their lives.
So to speak, those who take a different option from death takes on a different stand which is to take a mask, put it on and live a life that could cover who they really are. For the time being, it could be that this cover up would work, in the long run, it does nothing but to deepen the pain and further damage the wound that is already there in the first place.
Taking a cover may demand a person to become someone else. Its confusing, but it is one of the most prevalent responses that PTSD sufferers choose to take especially when they believe they need to throw the broken person out because nobody likes a broken soul.
Living with PTSD and going through life as it happens takes courage. Having to battle everyday knowing that the past, no matter how fast we run, catches up with our heads anyway, is a constant painful journey that must be embraced.
Nevertheless, as they say, there is always sunshine after the rain (although this storm is taking quite a toll)- hence, there could always be something better that could come out from all of these. Surviving everyday with hope in our hearts is always better than focusing on what, why or who wronged us.